Lemon Angst

Never Hide

Pretty much since I was a teenager, I have been a champion of other people's projects and ideas. I've always been willing to help the people in my life do whatever they can to achieve their goals. I've been called a muse more times that I can count. When I was 18, my mentor and acting teacher Bob, called me into my office and said something I will never forget.

"Never hide behind anyone or anything."

It's taken nearly 13 years for this sentiment to fully sink in, but I finally understand what he was trying to get me to see. All this time, I've been content to help push other people's dreams forward while unwittingly letting my own slip away.

I've decided it's not too late to reverse this behavior. I am investing in myself so that I can fulfill my goals to become a business owner and a writer. Two big goals but ones that are perfectly attainable [now that I am willing myself to make it happen]. First, I must just commit to one idea and execute it. Then move onto the next.

As part of this newfound awakening, I will attend the 99% Conference in NYC this April. Interestingly, when I made the decision to attend the conference, I discovered that all of the tickets were sold out. I sent off an email and about 30 minutes later, a woman wrote that one ticket had opened up, and I should strike while the iron's hot. So I did. I grabbed up the very last ticket: the golden ticket.

And, moreover, to succeed, the artist must posses the courageous soul. What do you mean by the courageous soul? Courageous, ma foi! The brave soul. The soul that dares and defies.

Chapter XXI of The Awakening

Gingersnap sandwiches with lemon ice cream

I made this recipe the other day, gingersnap sandwiches with homemade lemon ice cream (right-hand side of picture). I didn't take pics of the process, but will do, next time.

Toothsome and hearty with a complex spicy-tangy flavor profile, these will be an unexpected delight at any adult party.

I also made homemade peppermint ice cream and brownies (on the left). Emily's brownie recipe kills me every time: they're simple, slightly bittersweet and have excellent texture. A tutorial on how to make peppermint ice cream, forthcoming!

The language of a team

Once upon a time, a co-worker asked what I was doing for the weekend.

"I'm throwing my friend a surprise party next weekend, so I've got to put all the Christmas decorations up and bake, bake, bake till I bake some more," I responded.

The aforementioned person laughed. "Oh. bless your heart. I have kids and I still manage to do all of those things."

Picking up on my co-worker's condescending tone, I hurriedly walked back to my desk, deciding it would be better not to respond.

I'm very ambitious. But I'm not competitive. (At least with my teammates.) I am competitive with myself. I enjoy pushing myself because I know that in the end, I'll have another great work experience under my belt.

I've been working on teams since forever. Since I started acting in plays in 7th or 8th grade. Then, I went to a college where I constantly worked on a team. While there, I worked on and off as a stage manager, which was an unusual skill for someone who preferred to act or write, but I figured I'd rather be working in theatre even in a role not very fulfilling, than waiting tables. And then, I kept getting management roles because many people start pegging me as the responsible, organized, detail-oriented one, wholeheartedly convinced that I was those things [and that a person who could do all of those things couldn't be creative, too.]

I've also been in a situation as a manager where an executive would say, "Creative people need xx and xx. Creative people need xx." Every time I heard it, it would make me boil. Finally I could stand it no longer and said, "Every member on your team is creative. Some just may be solving problems creatively, instead of fulfilling an assigned task where the end-product's more obviously creative." I didn't get to continue with my thought, which would have been, "It's offensive and frankly, I think you're devaluing my role in your organization." My manager thoughtfully replied, "Yes that's true. You're all creative or you wouldn't be here." But one day later, I heard it again with the "creative people need this" talk. Perhaps he was proceeding on autopilot, out of habit. Or maybe he was merely placating me in the moment. But it wasn't lost on me.

It's hard work being part of a team when your teammates and leadership inadvertently puts you down. Not to mention exhausting, belittling and demotivating.

Semantics matter whether you're on a team, leading a team, or an organization.

[image by marie-jeanne watson]

Defining success for me

"Thank God, it's Friday." Something we exhale every week.

For me, weekends thrill and terrify. A weekend's got so many possibilities at 8am on a Friday, but the moments dissipate. And then it's Monday, and it's back to reality. Nearly every Friday, I tell myself that this weekend I will write for pleasure, continue working on my business plan, do the grocery shopping, clean the house and car, bake some bread, figure out how to get people to read my blog -- part of that involves writing in my blog, make a lemon tart, walk the dogs, yoga, take dance class, get a massage and do nothing.

On Sunday night, the panic sets in that I've only tackled a portion of the list, haven't done anything creative and now it's time to put everything off again until next weekend.

It's time for me to make a change.

I've felt creatively blocked for some time. I've been telling myself that it's okay, that I just need to do other things until it works itself out, but it's 12:30p on a Sunday, I've sat down to write, and I can only focus on the million other things that I have to do before I wake up and I'm tracking every 1/4 hour and multi-tasking like my life depends on it.

Good Magazine's latest issue focuses on decompressing. They ask a question that I'd like to figure out for myself: "We are taught that we'll be judged by what we achieve, but what does it mean to actually achieve?"

I'll be noodling on this question until I figure out what it means for me. I suspect that if I can answer this question for myself, the rest will fall into place and suddenly, I'll be on the road to doing what I need to to feel content, successful and happy with what I am achieving in life.

[image by elizabeth paige photography]

True or false?

image via weheartit.com

How to separate the wheat from the chaff and rise above

I received a job offer from nearly every internship I undertook as a young professional. If not a job offer, something just as valuable: phone calls to hiring managers or embarrassingly glowing recommendations. I'm not bragging. I'm just a really hard worker. But it's more than that. I learned long ago that my mother or teacher was apt to give me a gold star (or many gold stars) when I anticipated what was expected of me and executed that task without asking anyone and without making a big deal out of it.

Work life is no different.

I have had many interns over the past decade. Sadly, very few interns have made any sort of impression on me. Most wanted to do the exciting stuff - the things I did or my boss did. It was hard for them to understand that we didn't start producing or writing upon completion of our college educations. And I'm not even talking about paying one's dues, really. It's more than that. When starting any endeavor, there's a ramping up period. The interns and new hire candidates out there should take any opportunity to study the people on the team they've been assigned. Learn their personalities, anticipate that there's opportunity to prove yourself indispensable when staying late to help the producer on a deadline. And perhaps most importantly, strategize a way to separate yourself from your peers.

When I was a researcher at a television production company, I desperately wanted to write and produce. But there were so many producer/writer's and so few opportunities open that I knew it would be very hard to secure a position. So I started going to work on Sundays and writing scripts based on real interviews from the field. I had to go in on Sundays because the machinery wouldn't be available for me to use during the week, plus I had my own responsibilities as a researcher. There was usually one other person working on Sunday's -- one of the company owners. I had never had the opportunity to talk with him before. It turned out he was so impressed by my willingness to prove myself that he personally talked to the Executive Producer of my show. Within a month, I was field producing and accepted a major salary increase.

Another time, I found and pitched eight approved stories in two weeks. Six stories more than any of the other four researcher's. My boss told her boss and two days later, I was in Florida producing an hour-long special for The Food Network.

The thing is - we all have to do what we've been hired to do and a lot of times it's not fun. It's a job after all. But the thing I've learned over and over, if you put more effort in than necessary, the effort will be noticed. And if it's not noticed, make them notice. Put together the "fruits of your labor," schedule a meeting with your boss and let them know the things you've accomplished.

"Whenever serious and competent people need to get things done in the real world, all considerations of tradition and protocol fly out the window." — Neal Stephenson